The Year That Was - The Final Post.

At the end of 2010, I realised that it was time for me to learn how to cook. I didn’t have very high expectations, but I thought it would be fun to at least give it a go. Before I started, if it was my turn to cook at home (was VERY rarely my turn) I would do one of the following:

- Cook Mexican – essentially out of the packet and if it involved chicken I’d make Sian do that part.

- Cook quiche – I could always nail a quiche, but would need to call dad EVERY time to get him to remind me how to do it.

- Bitch and whinge and complain until it was easier for Sian to just cook for me

So a refresher:

The Task: 

Learn to cook better

Gain cooking confidence

Get my family and friends’ favourite recipes

To take myself from a couch potato to a potato baker

The Rules:

Cook one new recipe a week – any other cooking is a bonus

‘Showcase’ new skills to a guest once a month – and gain a review

Keep a record of cooking experiences and new recipes

Now that the year is over, it has to be said – I was overwhelmingly successful! I cooked 60 recipes in the year; I got 13 reviews (it’s not my fault that they weren’t all written) and collected heaps of recipes in my book.

By the end I was cooking for fun (nerd) and loved trying new recipes. I got so much more confident that I would sometimes opt to cook for people rather than go out! I learnt heaps about food (doesn’t matter if to most people its assumed knowledge) and about cooking. Plus, I finally have a hobby so people know what presents to buy me! It was amazing.

If I keep going at this pace, I reckon by the end of 2012 I’ll actually be able to find what I need in Coles without calling Sian or Dad when I can't remember if green onions, spring onions and scallions are all the same thing or to say "the recipe just says "cream", which one should I get?".

The best dish to eat: I really loved Beer Butt Chicken by Ed and Gianna’s Lasagna. Neither of them were too hard, but they looked complicated and made me feel like I’d achieved something. They were also effing amazing to eat!

The best dish to cook: I can’t go past getting to fillet a duck in Singapore for my Duck San Choy Bow – brilliant.

The biggest challenge: Not eating all of everything I cooked. Mum, Dad, Bald and my colleagues all were faced with masses of sweet food as I thought it was easiest to give it away rather than eat it all. Good plan for me – clogged arteries for them.

The biggest failure: Since the challenge officially ended, I’ve cooked two failures. 1. Jess’s Macedonian Triangle Cake which was totally the wrong shape and I had no idea how to assemble. 2. Donna’s Spinach Pie, which was gross – not sure why, I didn’t make any mistakes, but it just tasted really yuck. During the challenge, I didn’t have anything inedible but the presentation of many of my dishes lead a lot to be desired.

The funniest event: When I cooked pizza bases and weevils flew out at me, so I fly sprayed the shit out of the lounge room, and then slipped in the fly spray, started laughing and choked on the fumes.

The worst burn/cut: I probably burnt or cut myself every time I cooked, but some bad ones were; when I dropped the knife and tried to catch it on my foot and cut my toe (beer butt chicken), when I sliced my thumb while cutting bacon (Leeky, Streeky, Cheeky, Freaky), and when I put my finger in boiling oil (Finger Food Feast).

The dish I’ve cooked most often: There are a few that I’ve done again, but these have all been done more than twice - Sarah’s Mum’s Potato Salad; Sian’s Perfect Spaggy Bol; Keely’s Show WinningCaramel Slice and Sarah’s Moroccan Cous Cous.

Ways I’ve improved: I don’t have to call someone every time I go to Coles as I now can usually identify the ingredient in the recipe (also now have a phone that has google on it).

The best thing I’ve achieved: The confidence and inclination to cook for my friends and family. I really enjoy it and have fun spending time thinking of things they’ll like and getting to cook for them. Luckily they’re all too polite (so far) to tell me they hate what I’ve made – or maybe I really am just that good.

The Test

Questions created by Sian Gammie

1. How do you make a béchamel sauce?

Flour, butter, milk – heat, remove, heat. Stir constantly. Note: Gianna adds cheese.

2. If you were sending someone to Coles to do your shopping – how would you describe these items

a. Basil Look in the herb section. Find the one that stinks the worst. Read label to check.

A helpful picture for finding Leek
I could've used this many a time!

b. Leek On wall in fruit/herb section. Large tube looking with leaf. White bulb, big leaves (identified as leek)

c. Fennel (Never used) In herb section, smells like licorish. Stalks with fine leaves (called fennel)

d. Ginger The other one, not garlic. In knobs, yellow colour, brown skin.

e. Lemongrass (Never bought) In herb section, leaves, labelled lemon grass??

f. Pork In pork section of Coles. White/pink meat – not chicken.

3. List three ingredients or processes (or a combination) you would use to make the following

a. A basic stir fry Use wok, get oil hot, add yum veges (don’t over cook, need cruch) use egg noodles (put in hot water) then combine.

b. Spaggy Bol Heat onion and garlic, add mince, tomato paste, tinned tomatoes, balsamic/wine, simmer add herbs

c. Quiche Eggs, flour, yum stuff (capsicum, bacon etc), combine cook

d. Roast Chook Dinner Chicken, vegies, oil, salt, in oven 60 mins 180 degrees.

4. What’s a moderate oven? 180

5. How many mils in a cup? 250

6. How do you make a salad dressing? Oil, balsamic, honey, mustard, salt, pepper, shake in jar.

7. What is simmering? Lightly bubbling – low heat, often with lid on

8. What’s the absorption method? (Never done – I cook rice in the microwave) for cooking rice, boil until water is absorbed.

9. What ingredients make up fresh pasta? 00 Flour, eggs, salt (same amount of grams per person – eg. 200g for 2 people)

10. A vegetarian is coming for dinner, what would you make? Donna’s Vegetarian Lasagne

11. A vegan shows up for dinner, what will you do? Tell them to buy their own dinner, I’ll have a steak.

12. The oven broke and all you have is a whole leg of lamb and the shops are shut. What would you do? Cook it in the BBQ with the hood down and garlic and rosemary.

13. Do you start these processes in hot or cold water?

a. Pasta Hot

b. Rice Cold (I do in microwave)

c. Potatoes Cold

d. Carrot Cold (I do in microwave)

14. What’s the most important ingredient in the kitchen? Passion (plus a family tragedy if you’re on MasterChef)

15. What’s more fun, cooking or eating? Cooking

16. Who’s the best new cook of 2012? THIS GUY!

Final Review - Sian Gammie

Final Challenge 23 January 2012 - Sian's Perfect Spaggy Bol (from memory)

After a  year of witnessing blanching, burns and bleeding it was finally time for me to step up and assume the role of reviewer.

My enthusiasm towards Jo’s cooking had risen significantly since her repertoire moved beyond dinners involving the microwave or things poured from jars. Gone were the days where she would need to ask me how long to cook two-minute noodles and it had been quite some time since she’d put al-foil in the microwave.

Things were looking up.

We forgot to take a picture - but this one is cute

We started with a quiz to see just how far Jo’s knowledge had come in the past year. I could not stop wishing I’d asked her these questions last year. I can only imagine how it might have panned out-

Sian: What is a moderate oven?

Jo: Is it a brand?

She did so well on the quiz that she ended up with bonus points. I think her final score was 71/50 or similar.

I then devised a Mystery Box style test. Jo would pull three ingredients from a hat (they were written on paper- not actual ingredients in a hat. That hat would be huge. I want one.) and then she had to discuss what meal she would make using those items.

It was a triumph.

Olives, butter, sweet potato:

I’d make like a salsa verde* with the olives and put it over some meat, whatever meat I want, and then I’ll serve it with sweet potato. The butter would be used throughout.

*I think she means olive tapenade which I guess is equivalent to what salsa verde might be if it had olives in it.

Carrot, rice, egg:

Pffffft, easy! Fried rice. Delicious.

Lime, mince, tomato:

I’d hollow out the tomatoes and put some yum mince inside and bake it. Then I’d make a sauce. And I’d make the sauce taste like it needed lime in it.

Genius.

We now moved on to the actual cooking. Jo was to cook my favourite dish of all time. Classic Spaggy Bol.

I have spent years perfecting my recipe, so it was a tough gig. And here’s the wee on the toilet seat- she wasn’t allowed to use a recipe.

I think throughout the process she only asked me two questions.

1. What do you want in your salad? and
2. This tastes disgusting, what should I do?

Needless to say, she was wrong- it was far from disgusting.

The pasta was salty and perfectly al dente, the sauce was not too thick but not runny and had a delicious sweetness from the wine she added which was so divine I am considering adding it to my recipe.

I had three servings and the leftovers have been calling out to me from the fridge all day. I wish they would shut the fuck up. Why does the lettuce never call? Rude.

I was very impressed with the whole evening. I don’t know which was more exciting, the fact that Jo can cook a delicious feast off the top of her head or the fact that there’s a huge fat lesbian on the new Biggest Loser.

It’s all too much.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to eat those leftovers.

Well done Jozie & thanks for having me (your flat-mate is so hot).

October Review - Carly O'Donnell

Keely's Showgirls Delight Lemonade Scones and Vegetarian Ravioli

So, I’ve just been informed by Jocelyn that she doesn’t actually care about my opinion, so I don’t really know what the big deal is about this review. But she’s been hassling me for months to get it done and now she’s enticed me with scones so who am I to say no?

It was back at the end of October that I decided to head to Jocelyn’s for a whole three weeks (or 3 nights, depending on who you speak to) to celebrate the end of uni exams for another year and start the summer in style.

I was greeted on arrival by scones, jam & cream. All I had to do was help whip the cream, which is definitely not as easy as it seems. After subbing in and out of the whipping arena, we eventually had some freshly whipped cream and some substantially stronger arm muscles to boot.

We sat down at the outside table to devour the scones, throw back a few beers and play a few games of shithead. The night was off to a great start, and I was very impressed…..except for the fact that she placed honey on the table as well as jam, which had me slightly worried for a while there.

After this we had a relaxed few hours and enjoyed a few casual episodes of the Kardashians. Then the time came to make dinner, which was to be Vegetable Ravioli. Problems were evident straight away when Joz had difficulties getting the pasta machine together, she got there in the end though. I think it’s fair to say that she’s a bit of a struggler that girl.

We then engaged in some serious discussion about what shape ravioli was meant to be. We went with a semi circle shape (which I still think is the wrong shape) and struggled through the process of making our fresh little bundles of vegetable ravioli. We had shit flying everywhere. It was lucky someone thought to move the lounge, otherwise it definitely would have been a nice shade of flour white. It took us a good hour or two to make the pasta and ravioli but it turned out alright in the end. The ravioli mixture, that was prepared earlier without my help, was lovely. I take my hat off to the girl, she can cook.

All in all it was a lovely three weeks in Surry Hills and I was extremely impressed with Joz’s ability in the kitchen. Who knew she had it in her!

Note : None of the compliments in this review are true, I just have to say it cos "You’re my friend Jocelyn".

December Review - Bald "The Pig"

Steak Guinness and Cheese Pie and Chocolate Pots.


After getting referred to as "The Pig" on Kids blog, I thought I would see if she could step up to the pressure of feeding The Pig while getting critiqued. 


I have just gone on a diet because of the amount of  chocolate desserts the Kid has forced fed me against my will. Before I met her, I was an extremely good looking man with a physique to boot and now I am a fat bald man. I hope you all believed that first bit of that sentence. Anyway, enough about my problems and down too critiquing the meal.

She cooked me a STEAK, GUINNESS AND CHEESE PIE followed by a CHOCOLATE POT. How do you spell 'shit'? Just kidding. After hearing about the comedy routine that she went through to cook the meal (24 hour epic), followed by the usual burning herself 2 to 3 times while cooking, we sat down to a hearty meal. 


As The pig, I like big size portions and she didn't fail. 

It was cooked to perfection as the meat was very tender and the cheese was dripping everywhere. The pastry was light and didn't take away from the main ingredients.The Guinness set the taste of the meat off really well. I had so many portions, that by the end I was feeling a bit tipsy.


We then moved on to the Chocolate pots. All I have to say about this is - hot chocolate. It never fails. Well played Gammie. From there I took off my belt and unbuttoned my shorts to unleash the mass that had gathered on the mass that is my stomach. The Pig was cooked.


Thanks for having me.

September Review - Ange Downing

Finger Food Feast!

Given the fact that I was one of Oomps’ most excited reviewers of all time, this is embarrassingly overdue. (Yes, I call her Oomps. Not because she’s orange, but because she looks like a  bit like an Oompa Loompa when she’s next to me, what with my being a giant and all.) In my defence, I can honestly say that I was slightly comatose after the amazing feast Oomps prepared and have only just recovered enough to write my review!

What can I say? I was the luckiest of all guest reviewers. When I got off the bus I could smell something amazing wafting down the street. Everyone that I passed on the street was well jealous when they saw me go into the doorway from which the mouth-watering smell was coming.

I was not disappointed. The kitchen was very busy, Jo had a finger in every pie (and eventually the oil too, as it turned out). I didn’t know where to look! There were things in the oven, on the stove, on the bench…practically every inch of the kitchen was covered in some type of amazeballs food.

My absolute favourite was Ann’s Sticky Chicken. Eff, it was good. I intend on making this recipe for every possible occasion. The sauce was absolutely amazing and the chicken was cooked to perfection. I think the next thing I tried were the ribs. I usually find them a little bit daunting and caveman-esque, but they were really good! The meat came clean off the bone and I loved them so much I ended up licking my fingers (and having seconds). The spring rolls were absolute whoppers, and delicious too. I liked that there were bean sprouts in them, it made them feel healthier somehow! I think by this time I had started to grow a food baby so I had a bit of a breather before inhaling a curry puff. They were perfectly seasoned for me, I sometimes find things a little on the spicy side but didn’t even need a sip of beer after I finished. It was at this point that I saw the bruschetta. It looked so bright and fresh that I piled it on a piece of bread and polished it off very quickly. I’m glad I found room for it because it was actually a very nice palate cleanser and left me feeling nice and refreshed after our epic feast.

It was all so good that I wanted to make sure I was actually full before I helped pack up…so I went outside for a post-meal cigarette to assess the situation and decided that if I ate another mouthful I would likely explode and my seat would become Ann’s sticky chicken couch.

Dinner was a total triumph, I totes recommend everyone making at least one of these dishes for Christmas lunch because everybody will love you. Thanks Oomps!

March (otherwise known as December) Review - David and Pam Gammie

Donna's Vegetarian Lasagna

(Dad)
OK Jo’s cooking, look out!

Stay out of the kitchen, or stay in the kitchen? This is the question. Fathers can tend to take over so maybe stay out until asked is the best policy.

Now for the real review. Jo began by chopping things up all over the place and, as there was no blood, things were obviously going well.

The capsicum got the blow torch treatment and the béchamel looked like a bit of a sloppy roux.

A review of the cook’s technique is probably not what is required here.

The lasagne was even better than I expected even though I love egg plant and pumpkin - and who doesn’t like capsicum?

The surprise was the combined taste of the ingredients. The capsicum, with skin removed, was really sweet and a bit of a surprise. The cheese was by no means overpowering and the lasagne sheets were tender and seemed to just blend in with the whole.

So, the whole dish was delicious. There was not one moment where I thought, “Where is the meat?”

Do I want the recipe? Will I cook it? Absolutely, I do, I will.

Did I eat any salad with it? No way, why would a discerning diner bother with salad when there is more of Donna’s Vegetarian Lasagne to eat.

Sorry Donna I couldn’t write Lasagna.

(Mum)
I never choose to eat Vegetarian, in fact I avoid it and never even read the vegetarian part of a menu. But this was delicious. The capsicum and pumpkin were really nice. We now have it frozen in meal-size portions and I know I will love having it for lunch when I’m back at work next year.

Thank you lovely Jo – and the salad was delicious too.